Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
