she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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