do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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