He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize