i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my shit smells like andre
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
