I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
