Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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