What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
