i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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