Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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