She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
