I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
