so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
