He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
