Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
