eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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