I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
