the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
