I hate all girls vehemently.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
