i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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