Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
