its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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