I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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