He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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