I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
