We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
