Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
even my farts smell like vagina
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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