my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
