just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
