I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's blow job season.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
