The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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