Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
