The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
