You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had to coat check the pizza.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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