so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
