this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
