He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
