They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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