you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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