I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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