I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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