Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im on a boat
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