I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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