I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
