The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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