Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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