drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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