Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
