Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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