ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize