I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
