somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
