would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
