Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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