i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
