chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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