my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You can't special order awesome
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
