i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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