PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
