I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
