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Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
