gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
